I am generally one of those annoying people who say…

I love being pregnant!

…and for the most part I really do.  I say ‘annoying’ based on the amount of people I know that have found pregnancy hard work, tiresome and generally just a means to an end.  But in general, I think ‘Pregnancy and Me’ work well together.

Even in those early days when just moving your little finger makes you instantly need a nap, I still really enjoy that feeling of contentment.  Knowing that there is a little tiny ‘Cherry’ being formed and growing into what will one day (hopefully soon!) be a little tiny baby in our arms.

We knew that we wanted this baby, therefore it was very much a planned pregnancy.  With Ivy, it took us 6 months to fall pregnant, so we weren’t expecting it to happen straight away.  However, like a lot of people find with their second + pregnancies, I guess my body knew what it was doing and we got pregnant first time.  I was rather impatient and knowing that I was definitely ready to be pregnant again, I did a test a few days before my period was due.  This was a silly idea as it didn’t clarify anything.  Anyone who didn’t want to be pregnant would have looked at the test and instantly thrown it in the bin feeling quite content and happy that they had avoided a baby.  But because I really wanted it, I convinced myself that there was ‘something’ visible…I was convinced there was a very very faint second line on that test.  So I waited until the Monday, which was the day my period was due and went straight to Boots to buy a digital test- you know, the ones that say ‘pregnant’ or ‘not pregnant’.  With one of these, there would be no mistaking it! I had Ivy with me, and in my desperate need to just know, we went and visited the disabled toilets in the shopping centre- glamorous I know! I performed the ritual and then chatted to Ivy whilst we waited the long 3 minutes.  I nervously turned the test over…and just like that my suspicions of that very faint line were confirmed.

Just like with Ivy’s pregnancy, the first trimester was hard work.  When I was pregnant with Ivy, I was sick on a daily basis first thing in the morning, and then I would experience extreme nausea pretty much 24/7.  With this pregnancy, I was sick on a daily basis, but this time often multiple times a day and again the nausea was pretty much 24/7.  I’m pretty certain that the sickness was made worse this time due to the fact that I was getting a lot less sleep than my previous pregnancy.  Working, and looking after a toddler, who I was still breastfeeding and was still waking multiple times a night for feeds, was a hard toll on my body.  Throw in a little Cherry growing inside my uterus as well and my body was just full on exhausted, all the time! It had no let up.  But to the best of my ability, I tried really hard to not let it get to me.  Lots of naps when Ivy napped, and early bedtimes to try and catch up on that much needed extra sleep. And slowly, but surely the time came when it all seemed to ease off and get a little easier.  At 22 weeks I stopped being sick and I started to feel a bit more human.

When we went for the 20 week scan, they confirmed my suspicions that I had, again, got an anterior placenta which put my mind at ease slightly as I was still to feel the baby kick.  There is nothing that can prepare you for the anxiety that occurs when you get close to that second scan and you still haven’t felt your baby move, and there is nothing you can do, except for just wait for that all important appointment with the sonographer.  We felt extremely lucky and relieved to know that our baby was absolutely fine and actually moving around so much that it was causing difficulties to get the measurements they needed.  It wasn’t long after that appointment that I then felt the first kick- at roughly 21/22 weeks.

Something I’ve really enjoyed this time around in pregnancy, is documenting it! When I had Ivy, I wasn’t really using much social media and I only had my phone to take photos with.  Now, however, I use social media much more and I have a decent camera.  I enjoy taking photos and documenting my parenthood journey, including my pregnancy journey.  It’s really lovely to look back through my Instagram feed and see this pregnancy and its progression, week on week.

Luckily for me, I think my body suits pregnancy.  As my bump grew, I had a lot of people suggesting I just shopped on the high street in the size above my usual size.  Well, this doesn’t necessarily work for me.  I found the clothes would mostly fit my growing bump, however they would then sit awkwardly or be very unflattering over the rest of my body.  This meant, I did need to buy some actual ‘maternity’ wear and I probably bought more than I needed!! But in general, I was able to buy items that I knew I could wear for multiple occasions, re-wear with other items for different looks, and lots of items that didn’t necessarily look like maternity wear, meaning they could most likely be used again post pregnancy.  I’m definitely hoping I’ll be able to re-wear some of them next summer, if not, they will be sad sales that is for sure.

Getting to 38 weeks almost flew by.  Everyone says that it goes so much quicker second time around, but you don’t really believe it until you suddenly realise that your due date is just 3 weeks away.  Our summer was action packed with holidays, happy occasions and lots of fun…and the weeks just rolled past at crazy speed.

Then week 38 hits, and its like you’re suddenly in slow motion! Well that’s how it felt for me.  I am now 41 weeks pregnant and I feel like I have been pregnant for an eternity.  The weeks are no longer speeding on by, and every day gets longer and longer.  The waiting game…is no fun at all!

Because of having an emergency C-section with Ivy, I was automatically put under consultant care for this pregnancy.  This hasn’t really meant anything to me, other than I had one extra appointment, in which I told the consultant I’d like to attempt a VBAC and she agreed that this should all be fine considering my health and fitness.  I also expressed my wishes to have a water birth… again which she agreed to and wrote in my notes.  However, the one catch to this…I have to go into labour naturally, on my own! Something my body was unable to do with Ivy, and at 41 weeks pregnant I am starting to worry about again now.  That said, all the signs indicate that it should happen.  I have had 4 stretch and sweeps and at every one they tell me I’m that little bit closer to things happening.  But at the end of the day, it is just a case of waiting- rather impatiently I might add!  Come Wednesday, I have a second consultant appointment booked in to discuss my options moving forward and I must admit I’m getting more and more inclined to ditch the water birth and just take the induction and get things started! I have everything crossed that I won’t make that appointment and my body will make this decision for me.

One thing I have done over the past few weeks to try and ease the whole situation, is to take some time to really focus on me.  A friend suggested some hypnobirthing, and having just finished reading ‘Your Baby, Your Birth’ by Hollie De Cruz it seemed to fit my mindset quite well.  I really enjoyed the session and would highly recommend it to anyone looking for a calm, reflective approach to their labour and if you can, to do more than just one session!  I have also had a reflexology session, again I loved this, and if I wasn’t already on maternity pay I would be having more sessions in these last few days.

Although all of this relaxing and feeling happy and comfortable with my body, unfortunately hasn’t eradicated my frustrations.

I am still feeling fed up.

I am still yet to meet my baby.

I am still pregnant.

Only now, in the last week…have I got to the point of not enjoying being pregnant, and it’s only one element of it that I am not enjoying .  I still love my bump.  I still love feeling my baby move.  I can even handle the insomnia and the heartburn…but the waiting…the waiting is the hardest thing you ever have to experience in pregnancy and if you are lucky enough to have your baby early/close to the due date then you probably won’t fully understand it.

But the waiting is agonizing mentally!