motherhood · Teaching

The Return to Work…

I wanted to write a post before returning to work telling you all about how anxious I was feeling leading up to that dreaded first day back, however life happened and the laptop remained hidden at the bottom of a massive ‘to do’ pile for what has felt like an eternity!!

So instead, I am now writing to tell you all how it went…

IT WAS OK! It wasn’t great, it wasn’t easy… but it was OK!

So on Monday 17th July I set my alarm for 6am, but let’s face it, with a 9 month old I really shouldn’t have bothered.  At 5:55am I was abruptly awoken by the sound of Ivy crying and my husband rushing out of the bedroom (the crying, very normal….the husband darting into her room, not so normal!) to tend to her.  Turns out Ivy had thrown up EVERYWHERE! As you can imagine, my anxiety about leaving her rocketed and I felt like the World’s worst mum as I rushed around getting her bathed before quickly getting myself ready and leaving for work.

Once I was there- I managed to keep myself busy, luckily the nature of my job as a primary school teacher is non stop and very active so I was able to easily keep myself distracted from what was happening at home without me.  I was also very lucky that I wasn’t leaving Ivy with strangers or people she doesn’t know well… I was leaving her with her Daddy! However anyone that knows me personally will probably know already that I am a bit of a control freak and I like to take charge, especially when it comes to Ivy, so even though I trust Rob completely in every way, I hated the thought of not being in control.

As the first day came to its end I was feeling pretty proud of myself for making it through the day without any tears, without constantly checking my phone, and without too much stress and worry.  I got home and had the biggest smile from Ivy as I walked through the door, a huge cuddle and you know what, I actually felt really satisfied with the day and I felt good about the fact that I had once again earnt some money to support our household.

Fast forward to Friday and I was really starting to feel it now, with Ivy no-where near sleeping through and 5 full-on days at work I was exhausted.  There are no words to describe just how tired I was feeling and the lack of Ivy time was starting to upset me.  I found that I was using up all my patience and good manners at work and then getting home and losing my patience an awful lot quicker than usual.  Patience is actually one of my attributes and usually something I am proud of so this was by far the hardest element of the whole experience.  I felt like by the end of the week I was into the swing of work and being a good teacher, but as a result I was no longer being a good mummy.  I had no patience at home, and for the very short time in which I was with Ivy before she went to bed.  I was rushing, hurrying her and didn’t have the time and energy to entertain anything but good behaviour.  I was feeling stressed, and of course that was causing Ivy to become stressed and therefore she was presenting difficult behaviour that I was struggling to deal with in my usual calm manner. As soon as she was in bed and I finally got 2 mins to myself, all I could think about was what a horrible mummy I was being and how much I was missing my time with her.

Luckily for me, that was the worst it will ever get and I knew that I had 6 more weeks at home with Ivy before having to do it all again.  It is now the last of those 6 weeks and I return to work again next week…I know it won’t be the same as I am now on a part time contract, therefore I will only be working 3 days a week, but I can’t help but worry that I will find the adjustment difficult and that my parenting will again deteriorate to something that I don’t like.  I know that it will be very hard to juggle everything together and do it all well, but I would like to think that I am strong enough to ensure I am always the best mummy possible.  I am hopeful that I will learn to adjust and save some of my patience for my most important pupil, my daughter!

How have you found the return to work? Are you yet to return and worrying about similar things? Get in touch and let me know….

 

 

 

11 thoughts on “The Return to Work…

  1. I have a while yet till I return to work (I too am a teacher) and my anxiety levels shoot up whenever I think about having to go back. It isn’t the easiest profession when you don’t have children, I can’t imagine how I’ll find it with my little babe. My worry is that he will suffer and so will our tight knit relationship xx

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    1. I know exactly what you mean Nicole, I hate the thought of our life changing and completely agree that the job is all time and energy consuming and most definitely makes it all much harder to juggle- when do you return? Xx

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      1. Well I hope you can try to relax and keep your mind of of it for a little while so that you can enjoy your time left with your little one whilst you have it. I will write another blog soon about how it’s going and hopefully I will be able to put you at ease a little xx

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  2. Ditto to everything Hanna! So glad I’m only doing 3 days a week too but am dreading the tiredness as Willow is nowhere near sleeping through. And although I’m only leaving my baby for 2 half days in nursery (thanks to grandparents covering the rest of the time) I’m praying she’ll still love me! From a professional point of you, also wondering how I’ll cope with taking a step back and forgetting about work and the class on Thursday and Friday!? Good luck next week and for the term. I look forward to reading your update. x

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    1. Awww yea Ivy still wakes numerous times in the night too, so exhausting! I am exactly the same about work too, I will find it difficult to take a step back and not be the only one in charge of my class. I like to be in control!!!! I also worry about being able to assess the children well with only half the week to go by…ahhh the silly worries of a teacher hey! I will be thinking of you next week lovely, we can do this!!! xx

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  3. Just found your blog and enjoy it! I am a teacher too and was supposed to return today, but decided to take sabbatical for the year. You are very lucky your husband watches your baby 🙂 Yes, it’s hard to be in a good mood once you get home from a long day with lots of kiddos, but it will get better 🙂

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    1. Wow, sabbatical- what a fab idea!! I wish that was a possibility for me. I should add that my husband won’t be watching my daughter usually…it was only for a couple of days in July. As of next week, she will be with a friend 1 day a week and my mum for 2 days. So still very lucky, as I am not having to put her into childcare at all.
      Thanks for your support. Xx

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  4. You will get used to it and you will get over the stress and strain of the post work time. As Ivy grows too she will get more involved with the inevitable house stuff like cooking and cleaning- sound mad but or baba picks up the dustpan and takes the cloth off you to do the bit of the table in front of her!
    Even more you’ll start to make the total 100% most of your time with Ivy, the weekend morning when you used to crave sleep you’ll be delighted at being to mess around with her in your pjs, you’ll plan to do as much family stuff as you can and may find yourself cooking ahead (like 3 meals at a Time!) just so you get more Ivy time!
    I still feel bad, I HATE being full time and crave our days off, but I have to do that for our family and that comforts me a little.
    Basically you’ll wing it and find the right balance for your family, and that’s all we can doin the crazy modern world!
    Take a deep breath and go get em mummies! 😚

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    1. Thanks Sarah, I know deep down that you are right and that I will be fine…I think!! I completely agree that the reminder that its what is right for your family will get me through. I would much rather be working and knowing that I am contributing to the household, rather than for us to be struggling and unable to do fun things in our free time. Every cloud hey!
      Thanks for your support xxx

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